Courage to Success

It took me quite some time to come back for a post again.
Many things happened for His reason. God is good. I'll trust in all His reasons.

Let's start with a bible verse:

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I praise God for all of His plans in my life.
Though I do not know them all, I can only link clues from what God has done in my life in the past 26 years to review some of the puzzle of my life.

I am not growing up rich. In fact my family financial situation has make me independent in some financial plan during my teenage time.

I start working as a part time sale girl on the age of 15 during year end school holiday.
I buy my own chinese new year clothes with this salary, or with little saving I have to get what I want in those time.

I have a humble background. So humble to a point that I choose to be moderate.

"Good things does not belongs to me. I can't afford them. I'm not good at those things." This mentality has haunt me for years. When I was studying my diploma, the financial situation in my family is so bad to a point I can spend RM10 for 1 week (including 3 meals a day). I couldn't pay my tuition fees for 2 semester. I am so hesitate to call home for pocket money when my dad delay bank-in the money to me. I'm overwhelm by the circumstances and surrender to it.

The negative thoughts has accumulated since teenage. This makes me not being able to accept good things in my life. I reject blessing. I choose to think that poor is not bad at all. I don't need to be rich to live good life. Being self pity, I just refuse to receive or accept any extra blessing that is not of my act. I think that I don't deserve good things. I can't handle them. It just don't fit me....... These thoughts is what I believe God has been trying to remove from my mind since few years back.

God uses books to speak to me. He makes me think about it, realize this mentality in me. He rebuked me and reminded me that I shouldn't be a little faith. I shouldn't measure His boundless love & power with my limited ability. Again & again He spoken. This term break, God even bring me training course that motivates me. He brought us good & inspiring speaker who can find positive things in all circumstances.

At first I am quite ego. I felt that the speaker is too "hard sale". It just look so fake. I am not really open enough to buy some of the ideas shared in the class. But God is good, He reminded me to pray for a teachable heart before I enter that classroom, yesterday & today.

Slowly, with more in depth sharing by the speaker, Jackson Ng, I start to see the power of believing in yourself. Being convinced in what you say & do, aim high & run after it. I'm really impressed by the way many "evangelist" talk. On the Easter concert presented by Raymond Looi, I see the same confident and assurance in his speech. What makes them believe it so strongly? Why am I not like them? Why am I not being able to act the same like them?

I start to have questions........

God is good. His answer is just a prayer away.

Tonight prayer meeting, we exercise "listening" to God in silence. While we quiet down ourselves, God speak to me.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I cried. deep down in me, I am assured by His good will in my life.

Why am I so worry? God has plans for me... and it's all for good.

I sink in it. think & think.......

Recalling a point mentioned in today's training, Jackson said, "it cost you a lot of failure to learn & be expert in the area.... I have with me many scars & bruises to make me who I am today...."

I think it's true.

They are not special. They are ordinary people. What makes them believe is that they had the experiences. They failed. They know what it's like when you go through the journey. They also pick up the skills along the way of failures. This make them fearless. For they already have nothing to lose. They had lose before. What they have is stronger courage to climb up in every new failure. They are courageous, brave, daring & confident not because of their believes. But because of the ability to climb up again after the fall.

Thank you Heavenly Father, for through this blog post You make me realize the answer that You've placed around me. Glory to You.

Amen.